Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
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I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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