Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
