the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
