where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
