apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
