woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
