I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
