Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Green mimosas i think yes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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