plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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