he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!