I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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