it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.