I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.