im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.