so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im six kinds of drunk right now
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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