remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just forgot I was standing up.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
