Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
