I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
