guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
