He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
