I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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