Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
