Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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