you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
