dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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