i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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