either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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