I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
