Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
