The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
