brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dignity is for republicans.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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