i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
