Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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