where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
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