And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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