he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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