I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
