where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
