I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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