I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
