So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my sisters under your porch take her home
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
