Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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