I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
