I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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