im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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