I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
