I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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