we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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