Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
