I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
