Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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