so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
