beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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