we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
