So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
