i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
