Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was born a porn star she said
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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