i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
