who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
