So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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