Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
