Pappa wants mamma naked
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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