I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
