Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
