I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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