The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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