I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
