what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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