I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
