So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
