When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
