I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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