meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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