I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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